This word… believe. A word we use so often in our everyday lives we forget its importance, its power, its beauty and its significance.
To believe in something is to have faith in it, put your all in it, to have so much trust in it, knowing that it will not fail you. People have different beliefs in life, socially, spiritually, culturally and emotionally. Most people say believing in yourself is your best bet in succeeding in life and people who did not were considered of low self esteem… I happen to be one of the latter.
I believe in a lot of things, the one thing I had a problem believing in for the longest time was myself. Ever since I was a child, I’ve had people telling me what to do and guiding my life and I never ever even once spoken up for myself. High school is meant to be a point where one finds their voice, their inner niche, their calling in life. For me, high school was a place where I lost myself completely. I let my life be taken over by others who definitely did not have my best interest at heart. I’ve mentioned quite often on this blog how my mother and I are not close at all. Well as I got older, the distance between us grew further… I got closure in the friends I made in high school and the few close friends I had since primary school. High school was a very hard time for me. My parents had separated just before I joined it and seeing my mother take in her new status as a single mother impacted me in a way I never expected at all. I was a very shy child, this just made me even worse. I shut myself from the world completely and opened up to VERY FEW people in my life who are now some of the best friends I have.
Now I have completely gone off topic lol… back to the topic at hand; believing. I was never a bright student and till now I’m still struggling through school. The only difference with now and then is that now I have hope, I have faith, I believe that if I do my very best I am capable of being the best I can be. I felt very worthless in high school and afterwards because I was always being told Im made for greater things, I have potential and all that bull people say just to make you feel better about yourself. It never worked, it made me feel worse, made me feel like I was disappointing them in a way. I disappointed my mum with my bad grades, I disappointed my friends if I didn’t get them what they wanted or didn’t help them in this or that. I disappointed myself in that I let people take advantage of me and wouldn’t speak up because I wanted them to be happy yet I didn’t realize that if I’m not happy first, then no-one else around me could be.
I would consider myself unworthy of anyone’s time or money… and then I got a scholarship. If I recall correctly, such are only given to the brightest of the brightest which I know I am not. But alas, God works in VERY mysterious ways. Leaving high school still reserved, still sheltered, still doubtful of myself; I ventured into a new world. The real world. I left the false friends behind and only kept contact with those I cared most about. 1st few years of college went by with me not having any clue of what my purpose in life was, is or will be. It got to a point I wanted to quit school, drop out and figure out my life… it’s either that or that Eat, Pray, Love crap had really gotten to me, lol…
Don’t worry, I’m still in school, trudging on, and really praying every day for God to show me what it is he has planned for me. I talked to a few people about my constant depression of self and they really helped me realize that all I needed was a self-esteem boost.I know, sounds like every other cliche 20yr old’s problem but I was really in the deep end… and this is when the idea of the tattoo came up. Someone once told me I need to stop worrying so much and self doubting myself on everything I do and just BELIEVE.
Believe that everything happens for a reason.
Believe that you are capable of whatever you put your mind to.
Believe that life is what YOU make it out to be.
Believe, Believe, Believe.
My mantra for the rest of my life, hoping it will lead me to better and greater things. I needed a constant reminder of that so as never to forget and it just made sense to have it inked on me.
This is by far my longest post yet, wow!