This one is for Miss NJP

How to begin… I’m in a daze, a blue funk,a pretty kettle of fish, all the colloquialisms that can define feeling lost, confused and afraid. What I’m afraid of?? I have no idea… The feeling just lurks around me, like the annoying stench cigarette smoke leaves behind on your clothes and hair. But this post has nothing to do with what I am feeling, it shall be discussed further in the next one, maybe by then I’ll have figured out what is bothering me so much.

Been thinking about this post for a long time now, just haven’t had the time to jot it down. And as such I hope I remember all I had wanted to say then and maybe add more to it from now. Miss NJP is a good friend of mine and she plus a number of my other friends have been having this debate about men… Ofcourse. What else do college students talk about anyway, right? Wrong. But that is a story for another day. Miss NJP is an independent woman, beautiful, amazing personality and all around one of the coolest people Iv met here so far. One more thing; she is single. She has enjoyed her single life for a long time but now wants something new; scratch that- someone new. Problem is, she hasn’t found that particular person and seems to be blaming herself for it. Now this is where I come in. For some reason, just because I am not currently single means I cannot give my opinion or advise as to why it is not her fault. Well I beg to differ on this because there are so many women who blame themselves for being single and seem to think men will never look their way and try all sorts of things just to get their attention. Please stop. Please stop while your ahead. Stop because you will regret it in the end, trust me.

First things first. You do NOT NEED a man. For anything! Being single I think is the most exhilarating thing for a woman. Esp after one has come out of a long term relationship, that time alone is very much needed. I think when one is single it helps that woman re-invent herself. Because before she was with him, and thus was not fully her own person. It was always WE WE WE, US US US. Now that it’s ME ME ME, I I I… It’s a whole new feeling that no-one knows how to deal with at first. But once the whole heartbreak, wallowing in ice-cream man bashing phase is over, the reforming begins; a breath of fresh air. My single days I must were some of the best times; not a care in the world, no worrying about who he is with, what he may be doing.. Who he may be doing. No stress about why isn’t he calling me? No more overspending on unnecessary things, did I say no more stress??? lol, I think I did. Relationships can be VERY stressful, its like having a baby. You have to conceive it, give birth to it, nurture it, raise it, mould it and watch it grow into(hopefully) this beautiful thing or give up and watch come crashing to the ground. Yes relationships are hard. Even something as simple as a fling can become the most fun thing you may do, but its consequences make u wish u never tried in the first place. And no, I am not talking from experience-fling wise.

But before you all bite my head off for being so narcissistic about relationships, there are good aspects to a relationship. To a fling as well:) We have the happy feeling that surrounds us all in relationships,the constant stupid mushy lovey dovey texts, the constant` spending time together, the PDA, and off-course the sex. That crowns it all I guess for some people, sometimes even crowns the ‘love’ feeling lol. Not that I would know… But who am I to say, everyone is different. ANYWAY. Back to the problem at hand… The measures some chics go to just because they feel they want a man so badly. Take it from me; you feel you want him that much, but in actual sense you don’t. So I did some research, asked around.. listened to the woes of NJP and more friends in the same situation… And come to some interesting realizations.

Men don’t really have an interest in women who are desperate. You may not feel like you are being desperate but actions speak louder than words. And guys can see right through it. Men are interested in women who hold their own. Yes he wants to take care of you and make you the queen of his life but he also needs to know you are your own person, that you don’t NEED him as such. Independence is a turn on for them. I think independence is just necessary for any relationship. Ladies, I’m not saying that you are clingy, needy individuals. I just think you need to stop doubting yourself so much. If you keep having this need to feel ‘wanted’ by men then it will cloud your decision making because the insecurity takes over you. Maintain your dignity, maintain your standards; any man who can’t handle that, definitely can’t handle you and doesn’t deserve a minute of your time.
The right man is out there for you. You know it, he knows it and God knows it. It takes time to find that perfect someone, it takes time to find actually JUST that someone who clicks so well with you, it takes time to find your better half. And even if its just someone random for some time… that also takes time. And NJP, this is especially for you; you are AMAZING. Any guy would be lucky to have you. Our surroundings just don’t seem to be presenting any good potentials and I doubt they will anytime soon, lol… A change of scenery will do you some good… Actually it will do all of us some good. Fifi and I really need a time out from the OC lol… Don’t stress yourself with thoughts of why and how come? Instead, continue living ur life, being the awesome person that you are; be you. You’ll be amazed how rewarding that is.

And with that, I am done playing doctor love/Oprah/Agony Aunt, lol… and this is too long of a post.

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One comment

  1. Hahahahha! Thank you for your post. I agree with some of it, especially the part about taking time for yourself. However, after talking with a very wise person, dating is essentially to identity and creating a part of you. Dating also plays… a factor in retention in school. Whether or not we address it, our society tells us that relationships are awesome and if you have someone you're valuable. This is not to say that I think I am not valuable (I know I am) because I am not in a relationship. What I am suggesting is that you look at the women who are expressing these woes. What do they look like? What are they doing in their lives? Where are they from? I think my woes have decreased from where they were. However, at least for me my issue was not having a relationship (right now I prefer not to have one. I like the aspect of being single), yet I wanted to date and to know what that felt like. After having come out a long term relationship and taking time from any relationship interactions, I want to know what attraction and dating felt like without being in a relationship. My woes did not stem from wanting a relationship, rather not having an option to date. I think the most valuable thing I've learned from these past few weeks is growing through the discomfort and establishing in an identity that is not rooted in what someone else thinks and not question my value. Thank you for your ideas and saying I am amazing!!! I appreciate it! You're amazing too!

    Like

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