New set of Rules

So this weather in our dear Nairobbery is RIDICULOUS. I think it’s at some freezing point today because the fog that has not been clouding the city these past two days…

ANYHU… On to bigger and better things; guess who got a job FINALLY! Yay me:-) Interning at True Love Magazine, doing two things I really love; writing and graphic design. Just started yesterday and so far so good. Bummed I had to stop volunteering with @AHIcommunity but will visit them from time to time.

So today I wanna talk about something I actually have to write about at work; so will need all ur expert opinions on this! Relationships.. lol, yes, that wretched word. And how did I come across as the best person to write on that?? I don’t freaking know!! All I know is the article is due Monday so lets get to it shall we?? Main topic on relationships that I want to discuss is actually the new dating rules that have resurfaced of have surfaced on the social scene especially here in Nairobi.( Any opinions not restricted to Nairobi only btw!) I am asking for ur help as I have been AWOL from the dating scene for quite a while now.. and like @Chef_pinchito’s menu at home, these rules change all the time!!

Some questions asked included:
1. Ladies, would you make the first move on a guy in this day and age? And guys, would you go for a woman who is brazen enough to ask you out?
2. Ladies, would you pay the bill or do 50/50? (I think 50/50 in this case.. as in one day you cover him, the next its his turn etc.. but some women like to be pampered, even with their 6 figure cheques.. Im just saying)
3. Guys, do you believe chivalry should still be practiced, seeing as it was killed and buried many many eons ago?? Ladies? Thoughts on this?
4. Would you date a man with kid/s? and guys, would you date a woman with kid/s?
5. In this day and age, does the age old tradition of abstinence till marriage still hold in our society or no?
6. And if no, when is the right time, during courtship to get intimate with that person?
7. Ladies, would you ever pull a Mariah/J-lo and date someone way younger than you? Or would you consider dating someone way older than you? think 1 or 2 decades older…
8. Guys, are there some things you wish ladies would change or start doing in regards to the dating/courtship process? Ladies you can comment on this but no opinions, this is specifically for the guys.
9. Now to touch on this whole chipsfunga biz taking over the city… ladies, would you let yourself be *chipsed or not? Also would you have an *FWB on the side?
10.Would you still go on a date with an interesting person even if you were already
seeing someone? what’s the limit for exclusivity? this goes to both the ladies and gents…

Give me your take on any of these or all of them if you want to make me really happy,lol… and I shall happily refer them to my editor and your thoughts could be published on next month’s issue of True Love. And also, if you know of anymore dating rules I may have left out, new or old and your opinions on them.. go to our facebook page below, True Love (East Africa) Magazine and post it there.

P.S(*chipsfunga= one night stand. *FWB=Friends with benefits)

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29 comments

  1. This is going to be interesting…comments will be trashed and opinions shredded. Any TZ chics out there(a.k.a “mabinti”)? Tunaomba mawasiliano ESPECIALLY for number 2? (i can bet thats a definately NO NO lol considering its almost BEST PRACTICE to rock up with ONLY phone in hand and a grizzly bear type appetite and don't forget 2 or 3 sidekicks in tow for a date with a “sufferer” type bloke LOL)

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  2. 1. Ladies, would you make the first move on a guy in this day and age? And guys, would you go for a woman who is brazen enough to ask you out?

    Yes. I would go for a woman who makes the first move. That’s actually a preference for me and quite a few other guys out there (that’s how we’re ending up with older women. They have the confidence to do this without hesitation).

    2. Ladies, would you pay the bill or do 50/50? (I think 50/50 in this case.. as in one day you cover him, the next its his turn etc.. but some women like to be pampered, even with their 6 figure cheques.. Im just saying)

    I’m chivalrous as far as bills go but in the interest of equality after the 3rd date the 50/50 rule should come in play –unless you want unidirectional payment to become a precedent for the entire relationship.

    3. Guys, do you believe chivalry should still be practiced, seeing as it was killed and buried many many eons ago?? Ladies? Thoughts on this?

    (based on my previous answer) – Yes.

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  3. 4. Would you date a man with kid/s? and guys, would you date a woman with kid/s?

    Not at present (doing that immediately makes you a potential step-dad in training which is a huge transition for a single guy to make in a few dates). In a few years maybe I would.
    5. In this day and age, does the age old tradition of abstinence till marriage still hold in our society or no?

    It doesn’t. Not at all.

    6. And if no, when is the right time, during courtship to get intimate with that person?

    No rules here. It’s up to the two people and their own personal wishes. Some do it on the first date and it works for them. Others wait for years and it works for them.

    7. Ladies, would you ever pull a Mariah/J-lo and date someone way younger than you? Or would you consider dating someone way older than you? think 1 or 2 decades older…

    Not in my jurisdiction courtesy of my gender.

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  4. 8. Guys, are there some things you wish ladies would change or start doing in regards to the dating/courtship process? Ladies you can comment on this but no opinions, this is specifically for the guys.

    Yes. There’s a list. (I think you’ll find I speak on behalf of many men here)

    Dear women:

    a) The approach is not an exclusively male prerogative. Actually women who are confident enough to do this on a dime are considered hotter for that alone. Chat me up if you like me or think I’m attractive. Life is too swift and short not to take chances. What’s the worst that could happen?

    b) Learn how to drop a toilet seat yourself –we don’t complain about you leaving it down…

    c) ‘Equality’ is a 2 way street. If you want it in one place it spreads to all others including bills

    d) Contrary to popular belief being ‘Independent’ doesn’t mean you don’t need a man. It just means you can survive without one. –Two different things. One is ignorant narrow minded verbage, the other is sexy. Figure it out.

    e) Learn the difference between dating and being in a relationship. The first is non-exclusive, the second is not. The fact that we’ve been on 5 dates doesn’t mean we’re in a relationship. Until it’s officially exclusive you can still date other people and so can I (you’d be surprised how much assumption goes on in this area).

    f) Speaking specifically to KENYAN WOMEN here: Be more spontaneous. Going to the same clubs or doing the same activities every time we meet gets boring –especially since it’s always the same crap. Not every date has to include a meal or entertainment event. Sometimes the best dates are the simplest most spontaneous things. Go stroll in the park, sneak onto a sky-scraper’s rooftop and watch the sunset, go hiking or try paintball warfare. Try new things that are outside your box even if you think they might be uncomfortable. You know where the real magic happens? Just outside your comfort zone.

    g) DON’T and I repeat DON’T confuse soaps with real life. Otherwise go date Alehandro… See what it’s like when he has no make-up and no smart lines written on a script for him.

    There’s more but for now let’s end with that.

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  5. 9. Now to touch on this whole chipsfunga biz taking over the city… ladies, would you let yourself be *chipsed or not? Also would you have an *FWB on the side?

    Not in my jurisdiction on the basis of my gender.

    10.Would you still go on a date with an interesting person even if you were already
    seeing someone? what's the limit for exclusivity? this goes to both the ladies and gents…

    I already addressed this in my answer to question number 8. (refer to point e.)

    Like

  6. I'm on my phone now so can't really write out my entire comment but there's one thing I can touch on. There's probably only five girls out there who will answer that chips fungal question honestly. The day we titled it fungain we made the very noble and honest union of the 'one night stand' a dirty and ugly thing that only people who text maina and kingangi should be doing. If the question was “ladies have you ever slept with a man after a night of drinks or the first date and if not would you? ” girls would definitely pause before saying no. Ask her if she'd let herself be fungwad she'd say no, take offence and curse your mother for bearing a rude thing such as you. Let's get rid of fungain and go back to one night stands.

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  7. 1. Yes I could make the first move, but I prefer to make him notice me first. I’d be too scared of rejection to blatantly hit on him.

    2. Depends on how long we’;ve been dating/seeing each other. Clearly in the beginning like the first few weeks he should pay, or at least offer to pay. Eventually If I like the guy, I do like chipping in, but again some men of these days prefer to be the “man” and pay
    3. You know they say women killed chivalry but Guys still definitely need to practice it, I don’t care how independent the lady is, chivalry is a must. Opening a door for a woman never killed nobody.
    4. No, I wouldn’t date a man with kids, I don’t have any at this time and point in my life, so why should you? Later on, the older I get, I guess my view on this could change, but at age 22, no. Plus baby mama drama is a turn off.
    5. I can’t speak for society, I will say this, I do think Girls who abstain do have a harder time (dating) than those who don’t. It’s kind of sad.
    6. If a person is serious, I guess there is no right time, I would say give it at least 2 months before getting intimate with someone.
    7. Hahahahaha I definitely would, I think once a guy is over 21 they are fair game. Plus If I’m making my own money I really don’t see the harm, in taking the lead in a relationship and me dating a younger man. However most of the times, such “situations” rarely are for the long term. Now would I date an older guy? Age really doesn’t matter. He just has to prove he is mature, but I would put a restriction, like I wouldn’t date someone close in age to my mother . . .

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  8. 9. Hmmmm I wouldn’t say let, but I’m mature enough to handle such types of arrangements. Sometimes the stress of courting and playing boyfriend and girlfriend is just too much.
    10.No I wouldn’t if I was seeing someone, if on the other hand I was part of a FWB situation or chips funga, I definitely would, cause in my opinion they are all different. In this day and age I’d like to think people could be monogamous and faithful, it all sounds good on paper, but that rarely happens. I’ve seen people who were in committed relationships get cheated on. So its kind of a difficult question to answer.
    Anyways hope my answers helped 

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  9. so im what they call a common thief the home wrecker ..they say the rules dont apply to us lol…they really dont the only problem is wqhen the conscience decides to check in and we remember someone might get hurt and we have to back away….honestly speaking women making the first move and picking up the cheque is notsomething that they should get used to ladies you get what you give you might aswel declare yourself the man in the relationship …i think sex wih friend sis absoulutely out of the question there somethings i wouldnt want to change ,friendship is juist that its pure love chipios and one night stands are another thing all together lol in this town sex has become like a fix ….well if anything if no one is getting hurt why not? oh fyi being a homewrecker is totally the way forward only if you dont forget your place in that THREE sided relationship

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  10. lol.. that's one really long list my dear.. u clearly have had ur fair share of issues with the ladies. And I agree with u on the spontaneity thing… there isn't that much to do on dates when in Nbi so being creative I think adds extra spark to the situation.

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  11. Who is Anonymous that posted at 10.52PM last night? Now that's what am talking about…A str8 up no holds barred chic that gets her own and holds her own..show thy true self! u r an inspiration to many a meek women. Guys, thats teh kind of chic you should aspire to have. Am all about the truth but diplomacy dictates i must b able to tell u “go to hell” and u actually look forward to it LOL.

    Lets stop kidding ourselves and especially give some hardcore advice for the younguns guys tryin to act and be macho (yes i can tell just by how u commented) GROW UP and BE REALISTIC!!! So lets break this down:

    1. I have no qualms about stepping up to a guy and asking him out…but what baffles me is this, why is that you guys actually totally go off your game when that happens. U sit there plotting, oogling about how u would like to hit dat but when a chic steps up to you…you cringe.

    2. I like to be treated once in a while but also i do not mind paying the entire bill or half of it if need be. Who ever spoke about the TZ chics is so spot on…they need to style up. No wonder there are loans in TZ for dating 🙂

    3. AS for chivalry…any guy that opens doors for me and pulls my seat for me…should be SHOT. Do i look handicapped NIGGA?? And seriously..I would have sooo much mistrust for such a guy… definitely a confused gay LOL. Sorry Mutoka

    4. Hmmm..kid(s) kinda touchy but whats wrong with that. I think a bloke that has a kid(s) and is honest about it, is mature and definitely not a youngun. Like i said, i can tell who you is.

    5. Please define abstinence? Self abstinence…yawa…siwes mek LOL.

    6. Anytime is good enough…that ish that we chics talk about “chemistry” “connection” pleeeeease. If you horny..go out there and GET A DICC…and please, lenga those confused gay “chivalry” types…again, sorry MUTOKA..you would definitely lose on this one LOL

    7. Who cares…does the youngun have ID? Legal? and a good plan to sneak me into his parents crib LOL. To be honest, the drama of babysitting them is too much pressure. They get clingy and their minds cant distinguish sex and a fuck. Let me clarify s'thing…u are a FUCK (pardon my French)

    8. …..

    9. Again to the younguns…you are just a FUCK. Dont need to know your name, the number i patia u might probably be my watchie's…so yeah, get used to it…Ladies, the power we wield over guys is astounding..and honestly, i would respect, fear and be in awe of any guy that understands that about women and if you know a guy like that…please hook me up 🙂

    10. Hmm…lets define seeing someone. Visually? Well for now…really don't care for exclusivity. If the person is interesting, means they are real and probably, very very engaging. Tempting…INDEED…to go for it…hmmm..

    PS: To Kageni Wilson…stroll in the park? Sneak onto a sky-scraper’s rooftop and watch the sunset? DEFINITELY CONFUSED GAY…sorry bro.

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  12. 1. Yes i can ask a man out unfortunately a lot of men are not that open minded. If he says yes he thinks its sex yet all i want is to get to know him only.
    2. Yes i split bills especially for first dates and like to treat my man too.
    3.Chivalry for me is always welcome. Open doors, pull my seat et al but if not there life goes on.
    4. Yes.
    5. For me, No. Need to know what i will be getting.
    6. Always use my instincts.
    7. I have dated someone 3 years my junior and it was interesting and fun. Getting married, depends,some are really mature.
    8. Doesn't apply due to gender.
    9. Being chipsed is not my kind of thing. FWB someone always catches feelings.
    10.I would go on the date but i would make it clear that am seeing someone. I find that the truth is always easier that way there are no false expectations. When in a relationship, 100% exlcusive.

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  13. would i go for a woman with the 'balls' to ax me out?!maybe…but chances are she'd probably look like she had balls because a good looking chik would probably have too much self esteem to try that…..and on the 50/50 bill thing,it depends on the financial situation the 2 of u are in,if ur going out wit a chik in campus and ur in campus,she shouldn't expect u to foot the bill all the time,,you get an allowance from ur parents just as she does,she might even get more than u do so….if ur joboin and u have a mzuri salary thats anaa story

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  14. I beg to differ on the first part. Even a drop dead gorgeous woman CAN have the 'balls' as u so kindly said to ask a guy out.. she should not be judged just because of that. Its 2012 people, get with the program.

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  15. …classic overcompensation 🙂 Not fooling anyone. Except maybe yourself.

    1. If no one ever treated you well -or you don't consider that to be your definition of being treated well- there's no need to ruin it for those who get treated well and like it. People are different and like different things.

    2. 'Confused gay' isn't a thing but even if it was that would be like calling you a butch lesbian because you like to be in control and do stuff for yourself. Both would simply be misguided, ignorant verbage. Hopefully one day you can wrap your head around that without feeling the need to mislabel people.

    3. They were simply random examples of out of the ordinary dates -and they were meant to be amusing, not taken literally miss anonymous. Anyone who reads should know that they should fill them in with examples of whatever they consider 'not a typical date'. I should think that was obvious but clearly it needs to be spelled out.

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  16. hmmm my thoughts….
    1.i would ask a guy out, we are in a time where these things sometimes become “necessary” some guys may feel intimidated by a woman just coz she made the first move but if i like what i see and feell that it is potentially something that i want to pursue then sure il go ahead and make the first move.
    2. paying the bill or splitting 50/50…. miss independent would say i will pay whenever… i say whenever your ready pay do it dont always expect the guy to come through when it comes to bills…..
    4 a guy with kids is a tricky situation…. baby mama drama is not something im ready to handle… its just tricky….
    5 in all honesty in this day and age this story of abstinance is such a rumour!! some people may still hold to this value but most people today engage in sex before marriage.if your not willing to give it up… well someone else is ready to do so…..
    6. i cant put a time frame to when it is okay to get intimate with that person. i think when your both ready you will know it…
    7 peosonally dating someone younger or much older than you as a woman may not be a good idea because i believe you will be in diffrent places that is it will be a little difficult for you to relate to one another
    id rather have a constant FWB than be chipsed!! i think this chipsing buisness just makes one feel like you are of no worth sorry to say but there isnt much diffrence between you(person being chipsed) and a call girl infact atleast the call girl is getting paid for her services>>> no offence!!with an FWB atleast you know itsa constant arrangement
    10. personally i would go on a date i found to be interesting even when seeing someone else… im very opeen minded when it comes to the dating scene. you never know what the other person may have to offer. why should you limit yourself just because you are with someone else who your not 100% sure will be your husband or wife in the long run?? open up your options until your ready to settle down completely.it is also important that you let your 'patner' know of what your doing and agree on such issues before embarking on it.
    all the best cuz……

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  17. 1.NEVER NEVER. I still think a guy ought to make the first move. Atleast bt the time he does it means he has thought about it.
    2.Well all women love to be pampered but this happens occasionally not daily. I don’t mind footing the bill a few times. But let it be cast in stone the man is the provider hence it cannot be my habit to pay all the time.
    4.Date a man with kids yes I would depending on the circumstances.
    5.I believe the old tradition of abstinence can still hold. YES even in this day and age. I have seen it work wonders for a couple of my friends.
    6.There is never a right time to get intimate with your partner cause feelings change like seasons.
    7.I would never date a man younger than me. I think I’d die of boredorm. But an older guy just maybe. The curiosity already sounds exciting.
    9.Chips funga is a no no and should remain a no no. A man will always like a girl with a stand at the end of the day.
    10.Seeing someone does not mean you can’t socialize. Boundaries ought to be set and he should not try crossing any. There are different ways of cheating. Lord knows I’d never CHEAT.

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  18. 1. I never make the first move. 🙂 But I do try to be kind. I'm in a relationship now, so I do have to turn guys down, but I try to be nice about it. Kindness is key. 🙂

    2. I don't split the bill 50/50 because I'm the kind of old-fashioned gal that believes that men should provide, and in a courtship, they prove their ability to provide by covering the checks. I DO, however, like to treat the Mister once in a while – I'm a gift-giver. He gets little surprises now and then, and sometimes big surprises. And once in a while the entire date is on me. 🙂

    4. No, he should be with the mother of his children.

    5. I'm waiting. Nime-chill 🙂 I know a 20 yr old virgin is a rare breed these days but tuko! And there are men who are willing to wait for/with us. At the risk of sounding holier-than-thou and self-righteous, I made the commitment to wait at age 13. Now, I've waited so long that I feel like I'd be ripping myself off if I just gave it away. Each year I've waited has added to my worth, in my opinion. I'm striving to be the quintessential Proverbs 31 woman, so… yeah. It's hard, but it's POSSIBLE! 🙂

    7. No. I think men are better older. Like wine.

    10. I wouldn't, because it would hurt me if my boyfriend did. The key to a relationship is to hold each other to the same standard. If I don't want him dating other girls, I can't be running around with other guys. Simple.

    🙂

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  19. 1. Ladies, would you make the first move on a guy in this day and age? And guys, would you go for a woman who is brazen enough to ask you out? Mhhmm personally im all for it and female empowerment, however once I stepped back and just not thought about I got asked out by a guy, that I would have never thought would be interested in me asked me out. Its always a confidence booster once someone takes interest in you, especially for your confidence if you've always been the one asking 🙂
    2. Ladies, would you pay the bill or do 50/50? (I think 50/50 in this case.. as in one day you cover him, the next its his turn etc.. but some women like to be pampered, even with their 6 figure cheques.. Im just saying) YUP ALL THE WAY 🙂 But there must be compromise in the relationship if feelings are getting hurt.
    3. Guys, do you believe chivalry should still be practiced, seeing as it was killed and buried many many eons ago?? Ladies? Thoughts on this? Nope not dead, just practiced rarely today. Also it might be a cultural thing. lol
    4. Would you date a man with kid/s? and guys, would you date a woman with kid/s? In this stage in my life probably not, but everyone has a story and past so I feel like my opnion would change in the future.
    5. In this day and age, does the age old tradition of abstinence till marriage still hold in our society or no? Depends on the couple, however if there's not a physical component there should be some mental actually A LOT of it haha So you dnt NEED to have sex cause your sufficiently being stimulated.
    6. And if no, when is the right time, during courtship to get intimate with that person?
    7. Ladies, would you ever pull a Mariah/J-lo and date someone way younger than you? Or would you consider dating someone way older than you? think 1 or 2 decades older… Don't know really….not way too old like 8+ years but definitely not 3 years younger than me.
    8. Guys, are there some things you wish ladies would change or start doing in regards to the dating/courtship process? Ladies you can comment on this but no opinions, this is specifically for the guys.
    9. Now to touch on this whole chipsfunga biz taking over the city… ladies, would you let yourself be *chipsed or not? Also would you have an *FWB on the side? Not really, even if I was single. But thats now, maybe my opinion will change in the future 😉
    10.Would you still go on a date with an interesting person even if you were already
    seeing someone? what's the limit for exclusivity? this goes to both the ladies and gents… Depends on the circumstances of the relationship if the couple both know about it, and are ok with it. However I actually just had this convo with my partner, and we both agreed if your gng to be in a relationship you should be exclusive so that you are only focused on one person, and if your thinking of gng on a date with another person maybe you weren't ready to be in a relationship in the first place.

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