It is exactly 2356hrs as I am writing this. In the past 48hrs I have not only turned a year older, but have also had to relive in my mind, a time in my life I had blocked out for over 2years. 24 feels… Interesting. Feels like something should happen at this age but I don’t quite know what it is yet. Or maybe it’s just because it’s so close to 25 that you actually do want something to happen even though life may just go on as usual. Today, or the few minutes left of it, is the 4th anniversary marking my dear Grandmother’s passing. 4 long years have passed. In 2 out of those of 4years I have managed to avoid all thoughts of this day whenever it actually came around aside from the small prayer I always whisper to God praying for her soul. This year though, no such luck. Every thought, every memory, every emotion, every single feeling I had 4 years ago came back 10 fold today.
So as you would have there have been a lot of tears today. A lot of alone time and a lot of thinking going on. I think the reason this is happening is due to the vulnerable state and funk I have been in for the past week and a half-weird how I know the duration of time as well. Being in a sad state often bring about sad thoughts and that’s the first thing my mind gravitated to once the day dawned on me today. I had a quiet birthday, spent it doing a lot of thinking. I should stop thinking so much lol… But yes, a nice way to start a new year, just break away from the norm of pomp n party & just have time for you on the day celebrating you. All this thinking brought about a decision that I have to share with you all.
I am taking a break from wrytersden; a sabbatical of sorts because I will come back. It is not the end of this blog permanently but a temporary one because I need to deal with some things in my life that need dire attention. My writing skills have been dwindling since a couple of months ago and my posts sound like someone drowning and gasping for air at the same time. And I think that’s because most parts of me feel exactly like that and I can’t keep pretending that all is well when it is not. I do not want my last few months in school spent in this melancholy, I do not want to lose any more people in my life due to me not taking care of me. This may sound all cliche and eat,pray, love ish, but it’s nothing like that. Esp because I cannot stand that eat,pray,love crap anyway lol. Point is, I am just taking a break from my writing because my muse has left my system and I need to find ways to reignite it. There is a void within me I need to fill again and need to find that fulfillment within myself. I cannot tell how long it will take but I do ask for your support as I embark on this journey. I foresee only positive things ahead and do hope that God continues to guide me.
In the meantime, please know that I am very grateful to all you readers. Those who faithfully follow this blog, and those who stumble upon it occasionally. You taking those 5 minutes to sit and read my sometimes mindless thoughts really means a lot to me and I appreciate you all. During this break I hope to learn more, grow more and experience more and love more. I want to reach out to more people and hope to find the best way to do that. The written word is after all, a very powerful tool. Who knows, maybe this was the ‘it’ thing I was waiting to happen as I turned a year older…
So till we meet again, this is the end for now.