‘No one warns you about the amount of mourning in growth.’ – Tev Smith
End of summer vibes people! How are you doing? Hope well and taking in the very last rays of the sun before fall descends upon us here in Europe in a few weeks. To those back home in Kenya I’m sure you’re just counting down the days to the end of the cold season there, and I’ll be home soon too so guess I get a double summer this year, whoop! Anyway, that aside, let’s see what the past month has been like…
If this was my tumblr page (which I have since taken down due to some unavoidable circumstances), the soundtrack to this post would be Nicki Minaj and Bey’s Feeling Myself – that song is my anthem! Love love it.
Okay enough with the digressing… I have been super MIA on this blog and I don’t even know how to explain my silence or why I have been this unproductive. All I can say is I had lost my spark. My last post was done in my last week of employment and you would think not having a job all this time would give me more time to blog and finally complete redesigning it as well. I think I’m going to leave it as is for now… I like the simplicity of it, I was trying to do too much and it wasn’t working so wrytersden remains as is until I find the theme and design that I feel fits it perfectly.
Since quitting my job about 4 months ago, quite a lot has happened. To summarize – I broke my leg in a very random accident that I still don’t understand to this day lol.. Fully recovered now though, don’t worry:) I also did some traveling, yes while still on crutches lol.. Went to Rwanda and took a short trip down to the coast as well, all the while preparing for school in the UK in the fall and those trips I think were presented to me at a very opportune time as I really needed some time out from Nairobi. The absolute worst thing that did happen in this short time was the sudden loss of a dear friend – and I do not mean by death no… just a lot of complications led to the unfortunate end of our friendship together and it took a lot out of me because this is someone I have known and loved almost my entire life. Felt like I had lost my sister and to this day it still doesn’t register well in my mind.
When all that drama happened, whilst still on bed rest with a broken leg, it made me really re-evaluate everyone in my life and everything. It was a serious wake up call in the way I treated myself as opposed to how I treated others. Sigh… being an adult sucks sometimes. I don’t know how else I can describe it except in that way.
That aside, I have gained a new respect for my level of patience and how much craziness I can tolerate. I may be the most calm person I know, aside from my mother of course. I guess I get it from her. I also have so much respect for the few friends I have left in my life. They did not have to support me or defend me or stand in my honor in anyway as all that happened was entirely between myself and her but they did and their concern and constant support was all that was keeping me from breaking down every single day. It is hard to find loyal people in this day and age and without my small circle of friends, I think my spirit would be broken forever. Thank you to all of you for being the amazing beings you are.
I have also realized my threshold for pain is quite the one… when you break a leg to such extremes of your bone piercing your skin and leaving a bullet sized hole, and dislocating your shoulder at the same time… yeah, way too much pain to experience at once but somehow, I look back now and just chuckle… I have ridiculously weak bones which I am now working on making stronger everyday with a certain amount of calcium intake.
4 months… whirlwind of emotions in all areas of my life. I have one month left before heading off to gradschool and I am going with a whole different mindset than I had 4 months ago. I want to go study and study hard. I have been giving too much of myself to everyone except myself. It is now time I do something for me and be selfish for the first time in my life. A very necessary step I should have taken so many years ago but it’s better late than never.
There is so much more I wanna write on here… but I think this shall do for now as I have months of content to back up, so many reviews to write and travel stories to tell. Life posts like these shall come once in a blue moon as I keep growing and learning and embracing every facet of me.
I’m not sure what to write about today.
I am finally done with that insane graphic design course. Really hoping I do well in it. I start intermediate level in 3 days. I def need a holiday, this one month of school has already exhausted me so much, feels like Iv been in school for months on end. That’s what inter-term does to you, drains you of everything and weirdly enough helps you prepare for the next 4 months of spring sem at the same time.
Hoping January was a good month for all of you. I turned a beautiful 23 a few days ago. I normally feel older each time my birthday comes around but not this time. This time I feel accomplished. Not fully accomplished though as I have a lot more to do but I feel content with my life right now, like I am on the right track with things. Guess I started the year right finally, lol
My friend graduates this month. I am super excited for her and really wish I was her in so many ways but then again sometimes I don’t. This girl has the strength, the will, the power, the determination that I wish I could even siphon just a bit. She is top of her class,takes on more classes then is even allowed at this school, has two on-campus jobs, has had an internship every semester since her Junior year and is first generation in her family to go to college.
Did I mention this girl was raped last year?
With all these good things going for her, with her constant happy, positive personality, deep inside she had a secret. One she had been keeping for quite a while. Yes it happened and worst of all is that it happened in this same school I attend, in the same res halls we both occupy. And it happened just because someone could not take no for an answer. I thought being in a private school, in Orange County, could assure you all the security and safety others have to pay thousands of dollars for. Apparently not. What shocked me most about her story, was not that it happened, but how calm she was about it. How she has accepted it and has not let it put a dent in her college experience at all. In fact it has made her even stronger. Her spirit is what kept me going for most of last semester and still does esp now that I know what she had to go through yet still has her head high.
I have another friend who was attacked in the same way back at home. It really hit hard for her for I’m sure she never expected it at all. But yet again, she remains headstrong, she did not let it hold her back from her dreams, her life, her passion. Another dear friend was a victim of a miscarriage and another self cutting. This I feel is the most painful, because to be able to inflict all that pain upon yourself must stem from some deep rooted bitterness of oneself. Thing is, this woman is one of the most beautiful, most amazing person I have ever come across in my life. All these events happened in a span of one year, I learned of all of them in a span of 6 weeks. Each story pinched my soul a bit every time it was told. I felt so much pain for these women because these are dear friends to me and I wish I could have done something anything to help take away that time period in their lives.
I may not be able to completely erase that part of their lives, but I can help the healing process. One can never heal from that pain completely, just the way one can never fully heal from the death of a loved one, but one can learn to accept the situation and grow from it. I keep constant communication with these women because I know a shoulder to lean on is needed, I know a friend to hear them when the pain rears its ugly head again is needed, a friend to keep them laughing to keep them happy to keep them focused is needed and that is what I have been and continue to strive to be because I love these women and their strength inspires me to better myself every day of my life and never take anything for granted.
This post was meant to be a male bashing post, because most of the problems these women and so many others have gone through was and will always be because of a certain man, who lied to her and took advantage of her. But I digress, will leave that for another day. I just wanted to shed light on the fact that women are strong, stronger then even they believe they are. As my girl graduates today, I wish her all the best in her future endeavors, keep that eager spirit going and I know you will make a name for yourself out there, you will make your family even more proud than they already are now. Congratulations.
Enjoy the weekend guys.