‘The pain of honest confrontation is what generates the greatest trust and respect in your relationships.’ Mark Manson
May has been quite the month hasn’t it? Both good and bad but we are still out here thriving, living, hustling and just getting through each day as it comes.
It’s about that time again. I haven’t done a taking stock post all year! Can you believe that? Sigh, this blog reboot was clearly much needed. So much to take stock of these past few months, I’ll just combine it all into one post.
‘No one warns you about the amount of mourning in growth.’ – Tev Smith
Talk about a hiatus! It’s been what, two months now? I’m sorry y’all, I really am. I have so much to talk about (read write about) but the time to do it though?? So I recently moved back home to Kenya from London about 1.5 months ago and the whole adjusting and get right into work thing took over my life for a while hence my silence on here.
Valentine’s day is just around the corner and all the stores are decked out in red to celebrate. This holiday is one of my least favourite holidays. And this is actually because I have never understood why people should go the extra mile to celebrate love on just one day out of the year. Love should be celebrated fully every single day don’t you think?
If this was my tumblr page (which I have since taken down due to some unavoidable circumstances), the soundtrack to this post would be Nicki Minaj and Bey’s Feeling Myself – that song is my anthem! Love love it.
Okay enough with the digressing… I have been super MIA on this blog and I don’t even know how to explain my silence or why I have been this unproductive. All I can say is I had lost my spark. My last post was done in my last week of employment and you would think not having a job all this time would give me more time to blog and finally complete redesigning it as well. I think I’m going to leave it as is for now… I like the simplicity of it, I was trying to do too much and it wasn’t working so wrytersden remains as is until I find the theme and design that I feel fits it perfectly.
Since quitting my job about 4 months ago, quite a lot has happened. To summarize – I broke my leg in a very random accident that I still don’t understand to this day lol.. Fully recovered now though, don’t worry:) I also did some traveling, yes while still on crutches lol.. Went to Rwanda and took a short trip down to the coast as well, all the while preparing for school in the UK in the fall and those trips I think were presented to me at a very opportune time as I really needed some time out from Nairobi. The absolute worst thing that did happen in this short time was the sudden loss of a dear friend – and I do not mean by death no… just a lot of complications led to the unfortunate end of our friendship together and it took a lot out of me because this is someone I have known and loved almost my entire life. Felt like I had lost my sister and to this day it still doesn’t register well in my mind.
When all that drama happened, whilst still on bed rest with a broken leg, it made me really re-evaluate everyone in my life and everything. It was a serious wake up call in the way I treated myself as opposed to how I treated others. Sigh… being an adult sucks sometimes. I don’t know how else I can describe it except in that way.
That aside, I have gained a new respect for my level of patience and how much craziness I can tolerate. I may be the most calm person I know, aside from my mother of course. I guess I get it from her. I also have so much respect for the few friends I have left in my life. They did not have to support me or defend me or stand in my honor in anyway as all that happened was entirely between myself and her but they did and their concern and constant support was all that was keeping me from breaking down every single day. It is hard to find loyal people in this day and age and without my small circle of friends, I think my spirit would be broken forever. Thank you to all of you for being the amazing beings you are.
I have also realized my threshold for pain is quite the one… when you break a leg to such extremes of your bone piercing your skin and leaving a bullet sized hole, and dislocating your shoulder at the same time… yeah, way too much pain to experience at once but somehow, I look back now and just chuckle… I have ridiculously weak bones which I am now working on making stronger everyday with a certain amount of calcium intake.
4 months… whirlwind of emotions in all areas of my life. I have one month left before heading off to gradschool and I am going with a whole different mindset than I had 4 months ago. I want to go study and study hard. I have been giving too much of myself to everyone except myself. It is now time I do something for me and be selfish for the first time in my life. A very necessary step I should have taken so many years ago but it’s better late than never.
There is so much more I wanna write on here… but I think this shall do for now as I have months of content to back up, so many reviews to write and travel stories to tell. Life posts like these shall come once in a blue moon as I keep growing and learning and embracing every facet of me.
Well being, Wisdom, Wonder, Giving
The above are four words that from the point I was done reading the book ‘Thrive’ to infinity will always be ingrained in my mind. I loved this book so much I decided to dedicate this review specially to the author.
All I want to say is thank you. Thrive is a book I have had in my possession since November 2014 and had not bothered to get into it as I thought it would be yet another cliche self-help book but; what makes this one quite different is how well you relate your entire life to the four pillars (mentioned above) that make up the third metric to success according to you. I read this book on a flight back to Kenya from India and I’m not a very fast reader… 8hours later I was done with the book and filled with a whole new insight to life.
We all know that we should take care of ourselves, mentally, physically and emotionally. We should be of sound mind to be able to perform our daily duties well. But the problem most of us face is the supposed ‘lack of time’ to take time out to take care of ourselves mentally, physically and emotionally. This was the basis of your book fortunately (because were it not for your fall this book would not be in existence) and unfortunately (because you got hurt pretty bad, a cut eye and broken cheek bone?? Ouch!)
We all want success and fulfillment in our careers but at what expense exactly? I took this trip to India to visit my mother who was undergoing treatment there and it could not have come at a more perfect time as I was already feeling burned out (In March!) and in need of a break. I work 5 days a week at my full time job and weekends are spent taking care of different freelancing engagements if any… The life of a writer – the hustle never stops. My schedule isn’t as hectic though compared to some people I know who literally work almost over 20 hrs a day, Monday to Sunday and the only break taken is to either eat, answer the phone or take a nap for a couple of minutes and it’s back to the grind.
“Your business might have a great bottom line, but you are your most important capital.”
The 4 pillars to the Third metric of success all serve a particular purpose to our lives and as this is not only a letter but a book review as well, I will give my thoughts on all four here.
Well being is all about getting time to know YOU. You explain to readers that the three things that affect our well being are burnout, stress and depression. We constantly put a lot into our lives that we forget as the damage process goes on in our life, there must be time to repair and renew as well. Renewal happens in the form of meditation and plugging out of our digitally consumed life even if for an hour or less. Every minute not taxing your mind with so much counts.
I have never been one to meditate, I never seem to, for lack of a better word, ‘have time’ to switch off from the world even for 5 minutes. I have always been told it’s a good thing to add to your everyday schedule but I just found it as time wasted when I could do something else like check my email or twitter. The tips you gave on meditation for beginners by the way – stellar. It took me a good 3 days to get used to setting aside 10 minutes in the day to just be fully present and in the moment no matter what else I had going on but it has since helped me prioritize better and take on hectic tasks and hectic people better. A certain *whoosah* moment comes with taking time to be patient with yourself and everything around you.
Getting enough sleep and getting blood circulation going by staying active are two more aspects you talk about to help with taking care of your well being. As a self proclaimed insomniac and night owl, I find this part not impossible to do but it has its challenges. As a creative, I have since tuned my body to function best at night whether it’s when doing work or working out or getting inspiration to work or workout… Everything, according to my life since High school, has always worked better late at night. Getting into the real world after college gave me such a wake up call because the rest of the world functions during the day and never at night aside from a select few. Just until recently, read January 2015, despite having to wake up at 5:30am for my morning run, I would still find myself staying up way past midnight. I am not getting any younger as I work harder sadly and my stamina is slowly reducing thanks to how much I push myself. Sundays were the only day I would ever get a full 7-8 hours of sleep. That has since changed thankfully and I try get in as much as sleep as I can everyday, no matter the amount of work that needs to get done. There is a time for everything.
“When we are all mind, things can get rigid. When we are all heart, things can get chaotic. both lead to stress. But when they work together, the heart leading through empathy, the mind guiding us with focus and attention, we become a harmonious human being”
This was my favorite section of the book because of how open you were about parts of your life such as your daughter’s addiction problem. You were faced with the hardest challenge when the drugs almost took her life, but it taught you and your daughter how to be grateful for the most simple things and how to be vulnerable in the face of challenges.
Intuition is one other part in the wisdom chapter that equally resonated with me. I’m sure you have all heard the saying – trust your intuition, it’s almost always right. That’s because it is. The examples you give in the book are quite incredible and I have some interesting yet random intuition based connections that have really worked out positively so I truly believe in intuition – that inner voice that can only be listened to if you are mindful of it aka get enough sleep, learn to take time out of the world and be fully present. See what you did there?? Haha everything is one big circle. Well being, Wisdom, and now… Wonder. P.S: The gratitude list was the best thing I ever did for myself and my best friend, love it!
“My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me, and that what misses me was never meant for me”
What I liked best about this section was the fact that the simplest things like the flowers blooming outside (Spring is nigh somewhere in the world) or taking time to disappear into a book, or encountering a random coincidence are all a form of forced reboot as you say. These things force us to stop and think about the present moment. Wondering makes us gain a sense of gratitude for things we usually take for granted.
The story about Scott Simon’s dialogue on death as he live-tweeted his mother’s death really hit home for me. I was with my grandmother during her last few weeks alive and to this day regret not being there during the last days. I was not prepared for her to go, I really wasn’t. I knew she would be home in time for my 20th birthday and we had even talked about what we would do on that day and how she believed that being 20 means I need to start finding a husband haha, she was a funny one my grandmother. Anyway, I clammed up after her death for about two years and with that came a depression that almost made me drop out of college in my sophomore year. It took me those two years to come to terms with the cruel but necessary hand of death and to accept it. To know that it should not be the end of my life and to be grateful for the mere fact that I was alive every single day I woke up. I wonder sometimes what she would be doing now were she still with us, and all I know is that she would be happy. Happy living her life as I should be.
“Don’t Miss the Moment”
Very self explanatory and important to be reminded about. Most insightful part was the section you wrote about go-givers being better than go-getters. Key word of this section – Social Entrepreneur, thanks Bill Drayton for the clever term. A social entrepreneur is basically a business entrepreneur and social reformer combined. Perfect. More and more entrepreneurs here in Nairobi are in it to better the country they live in while still getting a profit from giving a service as well. I have a friend who works in finance and has always wanted to start her own company. Having studied in the States during her undergrad she got to see how crowd funding works and works well especially for the youth. She has since started her own version of crowd funding locally but with a different twist. Her company, Mradifund, an online fundraising platform, helps small business owners connect with investors who provide both the capital and mentorship to help these young budding innovators get to the next level. The average Kenyan with a big idea gets to see his/her dream become a reality while the investors not only build their portfolio in the process but also get to become a part of the next big thing with each successful idea acted upon. Kudos to you @missvnjoroge!
Thank you Arianna for reminding us that success is not success if it only benefits you.
“Because it is really true that while we grow physically by what we get, we grow spiritually by what we give”
This is quite a long letter but after reading this book, I had to share my sentiments on it not just with you but with the world as well. Once again, Thank you for sharing your life lessons with the rest of the world and with each page of Thrive turned we all gain a sense of well being, wisdom, wonder and a sense of giving as well.
Avid fan of the Huffington Post and now, Thrive.
N/B: All quotes are from the book.
5 years though???
I am very proud of myself for holding up a blog for that long, I didn’t even notice the time fly by at all. So my blog turns a year older today… just 4 days shy of my very own birthday and no, I did not plan that at all. Simply Coincidence:)
Wrytersden has really evolved over the few years. From being my little internet diary where I ranted and raved to becoming a platform to express my love for all things books, travel and life in general. We have come a long way and with the redesign in progress – (sorry it’s taking forever… coding + designing + a full time job is no easy feat, but getting there)-I can assure you all that what started out as my little writing baby is going to grow and grow fast and hopefully all of you will still be here with me on this journey as we gain even more readers and fans:)
To kind of ‘celebrate’ I am going to share 5 life lessons I have carried with me throughout the past 5 years…
1. Nothing is constant in this life except change. Accept it, embrace it.
2. Regret Nothing.
3. Death is inevitable and Nostalgia is good for the soul. You won’t cry forever, a time comes when you smile more than frown at the thought of your dearly departed.
4. Traveling is one of the best ways to learn crucial life lessons.
5. Live for the moments in life, not the things in life.
Happy 5th Birthday Wrytersden